December 2008
42 posts
Merry Christmas, Wal-Mart Guy
Just got home from super Wal-Mart. The very nice man (seriously, he just looked so sweet) in the electronics department actually thanked me for not cursing him out on Christmas Eve Eve because he couldn’t find the key to the window I wanted right away. Apparently this has happened regularly this holiday season to him.
He just looked so sad when he said it. After he found the key and took...
The sheer amount of Christmas ornaments my parents...
It’s pretty unclear what my mom has not bought from Cracker Barrel in the last 10 years. I also stopped counting the number of Santas I see at 30. My dad has actually taken the time to have them peeking out from within other decorations. There are probably hundreds in here.
Thank you for this, Newark Airport Subway.
Guy sitting next to me: You delayed long?
Me: Not really. Just 10:20. You?
GSNTM: Well, I actually got here yesterday.
Me: Yesterday?
GSNTM: Yes, someone is coming to get me in an hour.
Me: Oh. Wow.
(awkward silence)
GSNTM: So what do you do for work?
Me: I'm in PR.
GSNTM: Is that like "As seen on TV" kind of stuff?
Me: Not really.
GSNTM: So, you won't ever get to meet the guy who invented the Sham-WOW?
Me: The guy who invented the Sham-WOW? Probably not.
GSNTM: Well, if you do, you should kick him in the face.
Me: Jesus. Why?
GSNTM: The Sham-WOW doesn't work.
Me: Really?
GSNTM: Nope, it's actually no better than a paper towel.
Me: That's surprising. The commercial is so convincing.
GSNTM: I even saw an in-person demonstration...but it's a lie.
(me, getting the feeling I should bolt..pronto)
Me: Well, I have to go, but I'm glad I found this out. I will spread the word for you.
GSNTM: Remember...if you see him, kick him in the face.
Me: You got it.
Merry Christmas everyone! Tom Cruise sucks in... →
Sorry Brinks home security commerical...
…but I find it highly doubtful today’s burglars resort to flying front kicks through someone’s front door as a means of forced entry. Seems really fun, but not very practical.
“This is a sad and not-at-all entertaining story of broke-ass bored trashy people...”
– Crime: Alaska Woman Bucks Trend, Sells Oxycontin Instead of Cooking Meth (via lilyb)
Merry Christmas had made a comeback...
…and I love it! It feels so nice to say - and to hear!
Sock and Awe →
Hit President Bush in the face with a shoe. C’mon and do it!
Best prank call ever...almost.
For some reason this just popped into my head at work and it made me laugh.
About a month ago, my friend Jeff and I were sitting at Panera in Long Island City when his phone rang with an unfamiliar number. He let it go to voicemail and when he picked up the message, it was a really loud woman, yelling into the phone, with a toddler also screaming in the background. The message went something...
Can I Go on Vacation Yet?
An actual sentence I just typed at work:
“you are a scorpio yesterday?” Not only does this have nothing to do with what I’m working on, but I’m not even sure what I was trying to say.
Deadwood
So GC and I started it Sunday night - and are pretty obsessed. This weekend we are going to try and play a drinking game of taking a shot every time a character takes a shot. This seems like a good idea now, but I predict I will be throwing up in the bathroom and GC will be playing Little Big Planet within 20 minutes. I suggested a shot for every time another word for sex/vagina is used, but...
Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful, Vol. 82
mascha: i am not in the scene anymore, i never go out clubbing these days
me: no, i guess you're too busy snowboarding and traveling
me: i'm not either, i'm too old now
mascha: haha! thats ok, you are a guy
me: yeah, i'm not complaining
me: i'd just rather have a nice dinner or go to a bar or something
me: i did my clubbing in my 20s
mascha: :)
mascha: time to have a more relaxed approach to life
me: but i could never be a hermit because i'm very vain
me: it's a serious problem
me: lucky for me i'm so good-looking
mascha: seriously
me: i feel sorry for people who aren't
me: like, when i just see a normal-looking person walking down park avenue or whatever, my heart goes out to them
me: and i think, "what is it like to just be a normal-looking person?"
me: and then i give thanks
mascha: dude. how much coffee did you consume?
me: believe it or not only 1 cup
me: but i took 2 advil before bed last night because i had a headache
me: i woke up seriously woozy today
me: it's fading though
(via feinsodville. )
Two Cents No One Cares About: My Thoughts on the...
For the tumblrs out there, this may have been covered ad nauseum, but I dont have the time to read back through 40 pages of posts, so here goes nothing.
While I see both sides of the uproar over Fred Armisen’s sketch of Gov. David Patterson on SNL this Saturday, it’s first important to note (and thanks to GC for jogging the memory) that the character was extremely similar to...
"I've got the black lung, Pop"
Due to a complete ignoring of how not to mix scouring powder with any other kind of cleaning agent, I believe I inhaled an invisible, odorless poison for at least 15 minutes while trying to be responsible and cleaning the bathroom yesterday. The top of my lungs are congested and I am coughing regularly.
It has been nice knowing everone. My alveoli (why yes, I did consider medicine for a brief...
Plucking best 2008 videos from the Web -- South... →
Exactly. As an unrelated aside, this is my hometown paper. Sigh.
charlietodd:
This article is a pretty good illustration of what’s wrong with old media and why newspapers are failing. The AP writes a piece naming their top 10 viral videos of the year. It’s been syndicated in thousands of paper’s websites, like this Florida paper I’ve linked to. Improv Everywhere is on the list for our Frozen...
The case for/against gay marriage is hung-up on this idea of choice—i.e. we should frown on gay marriage because it’s a deviant lifestyle. Or we shouldn’t frown on it because it isn’t a lifestyle, it’s a biological fact. This is where the comparisons with race come in. But I always hated this argument. Whenever people say, “You should not discriminate against...
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
UM Fan: I dunno...I'm pretty sure I remember Florida losing to Michigan (!) last year. Wait yes, I definitely remember watching the last minutes of the game in an airport bar. And Tebow crying. Yep.
Me: What you don't know is that those tears were actually poison. See Michigan's record this year for proof of its effectiveness.
I may die broke, but at least I lived rich.
I currently have less than a G in checking and savings (each), but am more than 15G’s in debt. Just greenlighted a friend to spend $300-$500 dollars on my behalf for National Championship tix to the first person who will give them to us.
I do have financial priorities. They’re just in the wrong order.
A Few Hundred Dollars, Possibly My First Born...
To someone, anyone, who can get me at least two tix to the National Championship game. My love of UF knows no bounds and I am willing to do whatever it takes to see them win in Miami. Including spending hundreds of dollars that I literally do not have because I think that is a fair trade for a once in a lifetime opportunity (ok twice in the last three years, but I was really broke when we played...
How is it...
I put little to no effort in my Twitter and get more and more followers every day, but my Tumblr has almost none?
I guess I’m only interesting in sound bites. That’s pretty depressing.
The Skeet On...Empire Actually Interesting People...
Yes. Suck It Barbara Walters. If you are reading this and don’t know who Spaghetti Cat is, then either a.) learn it NOW or b.) stop reading and get the F off my blog.
skeetonmischa:
Last night, beloved “View” co-host Barbara Walters unveiled her list of the ten most fascinating people of 2008. Sure, her list is interesting to a certain degree, but it seems just so obvious and on the nose...
I really, really, really, REALLY need to sit down and try to type out the book that’s been in my head for the last five years, or I fear I just might be stuck doing this “work” thing forever.
If you have not yet read NYMag's cover story on... →
Not only is it a compelling and swift read, it’s a great glimpse into a New York world very few of us have ever seen.
Campbell Brown →
Gov. Ed Rendell is overheard implying that since Janet Napolitano has no family, she has no life. Campbell Brown weighs in.
THIS DEBATE ALWAYS GETS ME GOING.
“If life begins at conception, then why do we celebrate Christmas in December?”
– a holiday card a coworker just showed me. (via spiegelman)
suck on that, right wingers
Love is.
For T-giving, GC and I headed to the opposite coasts of Florida for a week. Last night, he came home and we had our reunion. After talking for about 30 minutes straight, as I’m prone to do, catching him up on all the things we hadn’t talked about on the phone, he patiently listened, and toward the end of my rant, I mentioned that I learned a new dance. I ran to my iPod dock to play...
