lia!lia!

“The rankings say it’s No. 1 vs. No. 2. Technically, the stakes Saturday are exactly the same for both Florida and Alabama — an SEC championship and a berth in the BCS National Championship Game.

But make no mistake: the pressure meter tilts heavily toward one sideline. For Alabama, a victory will be treasured, a loss disappointing. But for Florida, a loss Saturday will render its entire 2009 season a failure.”

OMGGGGG SO EXCITEDDDD.

I had to - I just had to - book my holiday flights in/out of Atlantic City.  I saved myself $500 from flying in/out of New York (fuck you LaGuardia) and now have the option to gamble at my leisure. (Related.) Nothing like trying to win your family good Christmas presents and get free money to pay down your debts to let you know that life is going totally fucking rad.

26 years. Wow. Don’t even know where to start.

If you live in New York and never go to the UCB you are NOT LIVING YOUR LIFE.  You can see all of these guys on the cheap almost any night of the week. It’s like Star Search and Catch a Rising Star had a baby, and that baby also sells you PBR.  You can also see my own roommate there. He looks like William DeFoe, only less scary and much more funny.

This is: Gabrus, John Murray, Nate Smith on 30 Rock.  (Not Pictured: Anthony Atamanuik and Gavin Speiller)

(via lookmom)

Turning 29 was the greatest thing to ever happen to me because I now have full license to:

- Drink two beers every night and tell myself its because I need to wind down.

- Buy scratch-off lottery tickets four days a week.

- Throw mini fits when someone gets in my way of watching “the game.”

I feared old age..but that’s before I knew I could get buzzed every night and piss money away and call it adulthood.

And this lady also probably has one of the funniest blogs ever.

whydoihaveablog:

I’m actually becoming really resentful that there are several people within my family that do nothing with their lives and still receive praise. “(redacted) has been doing good lately.”

REALLY? YEAH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY GOOD? YOU MEAN HE’S NO LONGER 24, WITHOUT A JOB FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AND HAS NOT GONE TO SCHOOL SINCE HE WAS 16? OH, HE GOT ANOTHER CAR FROM YOU FOR FREE? OH, YOU’RE GIVING HIM MORE GAS MONEY? OH, OH, OH, WHAT’S THIS? OH, YOU BOUGHT HIM A GIANT FUCKING MAC COMPUTER.

I HAVE TO PAY $250 FOR A MATH BOOK NEXT SEMESTER.

And then in this fantasy where I shout this at my entire family, I throw a family photo album across the room where it hits the wall and lands open-faced with a giant picture of me in the future where I’m diving into a money pool like a Scrooge McDuck and my family is outside, in the snow, with tattered clothing and dirt smeared all over their face. “Please, Caragh, let us in” They speak collectively, in a chorus.

“I don’t want you to dirty my money, you filth.” I dive deep within my 1000 dollar bills the US Government has printed specifically for me.

“But we only need a dollar to pay for our a new apartment. If we don’t get it now, we will die cold and lonely,” a single tear runs down each of their left cheeks as they all speak in unison.

“Never,” I will reply, as I poke my head out from the currency around me.

“But we’re family!” Two have died since their last sentence.

“Money is my family now,” I say haughtily after I spit out a stream of gold coins I found caught in my mouth from the dive.

‘If u pray hard enuf, ur dreamz will come true.’ —Dante

I repeat, if you are not reading matthewgallaway you are missing out! On life! And philosophical cats! And wise old bridges!

More coming tomorrow, too.

Aaaand I’m hysterical crying.  If you are opposed to gay marriage, this deserves a listen.  And then I’d love to hear your reasoning against.  This representative (I’m now resolved to find out everything about her ever) absolutely nails it in every way.

(via blueeyedgreek:shiningstar:daveholmes:robhuebel)

For reasons I’m not sure I understand, this pleases me tremendously.

(via jeremysgriffin)